True Confessions

So in a drastic change from Friday's post, I have a confession to make:

Most of the time, I hate this job.

Mostly because I am NOT the teacher I want to be.

Every day I fail my students. Sometimes in big ways, usually in small ways... but I'm still not doing things right. People will tell you that of course this is ok, that no one is perfect, and that I am trying my hardest and that is what matters.

True to an extent... but these are also kids who don't have a moment of their education to waste. Kids who, in the 8th grade, can barely write a coherent sentence, and who definitely can't solve equations. And so every time I screw up = the further behind they fall.

Another confession: Sunday nights make me very, very depressed. I HATE the looming feeling of school on Monday, especially when it is midnight and I still have one more class to fill in grades for progress reports and I don't have notes or classwork ready for tomorrow yet.

I hate anticipating a 4 am alarm. I hate anticipating 210 human beings filing in and out of my classroom each and every day. (THAT'S SO MANY!!) I hate the endless to-do list. I hate looking back on a weekend where I barely left my house, much less spoke to anyone about anything other than school, and yet I still feel like I accomplished nothing. I hate looking around my messy, disorganized apartment and knowing that it will be another 6 days before I can even think about vacuuming or doing laundry.

I hate the feeling of "here we go again."

I have used the word "hate" a lot in this post and I know it is a strong word but I need a venting place right now... after 7 hours of entering grades in the computer. For my 210 students. Blahhhhh that makes me want to throw up.

Please pray with me this week that the ball would get rolling... that our new teacher relief would come SOON-- specifically by the end of this week. This is the 6th week of school and we (teachers and students) desperately, desperately need some reinforcements in the 8th grade. Please pray boldly and specifically that the bureaucracy would miraculously loosen and approve the new positions we need; that there would be good candidates to interview; and that we would be able to interview someone by Friday. And most importantly, pray that the red tape would DISAPPEAR so that the new teachers can actually start by the beginning of next week.

And pray for my sanity & patience until then. Please. Seriously.

(Sorry for the negativity... but this is real life, folks.)